Ride or Die by Khurrum Rahman

Author:Khurrum Rahman [Rahman, Khurrum]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780008322434
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

I stepped through my front door late. Coming-back-from-a-nightclub late. Simpler times. Amongst all the crap clattering around my head I wondered if Sophia would still be there, if she had run.

I removed my Jordans without unlacing – that took twice as long – and I left them how they fell. I considered a smoke and a drink but I couldn’t be arsed with the effort. Right now I needed my bed, to sleep and wish away the nightmares. Tomorrow, I’d deal with tomorrow.

I held onto the banister, placed my foot on the bottom step and readied myself for the climb. Through the open door of the living room I saw Sophia. She was curled up on my armchair, her eyes closed, her lips parted. Christmas lights reflected and blinked softly in her face.

She hadn’t run.

I unpeeled my fingers off the banister and stood at the door, looking into my living room like an intruder. The Christmas tree that I bought from Argos a lifetime ago had been unboxed. It stood proudly in the corner of the room, red and white lights neatly wrapped around it. A silver star glittering on top.

I nodded to myself to stop myself from tearing up.

Sophia was still wearing my onesie, the sleeves stretched over her knuckles and gripped tightly into her fists. I liked noticing little things like that. I liked noticing little things like that about her. I stepped into the living room. The television was on low, set to The Comedy Channel. I wondered what her laugh sounded like. I picked up the remote and killed the TV. She stirred as did something inside me.

It tends to get a little chilly downstairs at night; I couldn’t exactly leave her like that. A vision of Robinson freezing his fat ass off in the loft skipped through my head and I quickly swiped away that shitty thought before other shitty thoughts joined it. And I allowed myself, just for a minute, to let my mind drift away a little.

I imagined a present under the tree. Two presents. I imagined pulling Christmas crackers with Sophia and telling terrible jokes over a dried-out turkey. I imagined lifting her in my arms and carrying her upstairs and gently placing her on the bed, then I imagined the impracticality of it. I imagined introducing Sophia to Mum.

I was one step away from scrawling our names inside an exercise book and outlining it with little pink hearts. Fuck! I knew it could never be. Everything about that girl screamed trouble, and I had my own troubles to work through.

I fetched a blanket from the airing cupboard and placed it over her shoulders and lap. I considered moving a stray hair away from her face but decided that may be a line I didn’t want to cross.

I left her breathing softly and walked away.

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